by BL Morticia
Rebel Ink Press
eBook ISBN: RIP000418
A gay, curious young man, Cody McCayne has fallen over the fence more than a couple of times. He's hoping the armed forces can help him become more of a straight man given he's under extreme scrutiny from his family. To make it happen, Cody leaves behind his on and off again lover, Dari Kirk.
Chapter One
“Cody!” Father Elias McCayne called from the doorway since the sun was going down and supper was done. Darla McCayne had cooked his favorite dinner to soften the tension between him and his dad. “Cody! You cocksucker, c’mon!”
The young man jumped, hearing the voice of his asshole dad. He bit his lip, recalling the argument he had with Elias the other day. “Hey, listen,” he sighed, not wanting to wake his friend. “Dari, c’mon, I gotta go before he comes looking for us.”
The two on and off again lovers were enjoying the evening, sitting by the small stream in back of Cody’s parent’s home.
Dari lifted his lids and straightened his body. “Fuck. Cody, goddamnit, I told you to come stay with me. You don’t hafta put up with this.” He ran his fingers through Cody’s brown hair.
Dari shrugged and crossed his arms. “You are too a gay, faggot. You like me, you love me, deal with it!”
“Shit.” He got up, wiping off the back of his jeans. McCayne grit his teeth. “You stop fuckin’ sayin’ that, okay? I’m- just a lil’confused. I know I’ll eventually grow outta this.” He turned his back on his on and off again partner.
The younger man rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Cody, you never will, okay? You like cock more than pussy and you know it.”
“Naw, naw,” he seethed and balled up his fists. It really pissed him off he “wasn’t right” in the eyes of father and the rest of his family. Why did he have to be the one that didn’t like women? Cody kicked some dirt. “Like I said, I just need time. I need somethin’ good, somethin’ different and I’ll change, Dari. Besides, we only do this when I get the urge.”
“And lately,” his childhood buddy sighed, “You been gettin’ that feelin’ a lil’ more than usual. Don’t you get it, Cody? It’s okay to be gay, alright? Even if you do like both, it’s perfectly fine.”
“No it ain’t!” The brown haired man yelled at the top of his lungs. “My daddy and the rest of my family don’t like me. Ever since you and I got caught by the Baxter boys, no one wants to even around me, ya’ hear? No one talks to me by face. Only behind my fuckin’ back!” He pointed his finger at Dari’s nose.
Dari slapped his hand away. “You know what? When will you learn it don’t matter what other people think? Recall the time you dated that colored girl in freshman year?”
“Yeah so, that’s different!” Cody’s one girlfriend, Brianna was with him for the better part of a year before she decided she couldn’t date a redneck anymore. Right after that, she moved to another town in North Carolina.
“Not that much. People talked about ya’ll from here all the way to Chrysler County but did that stop ya’? Hell no.”
Cody shook his head and stepped back. “Not the same, damnit. Again, she was female. Even though the racist fucks down here weren’t in favor of the relationship, they accepted it because she’s a girl! Look, we gots to end this now, okay? I know I’ve said it many times before but, I mean it this time. No more of this!”
Dari’s eyes narrowed. He taped his foot and gripped his own shoulders. Cody McCayne, I’m gonna tell ya’, if you’re tellin’ me to go away this time, I won’t come back even if you call me, alright? So you betta think ‘bout what you’re sayin’.”
Did he really mean this? If he told Dari to take a hike it meant no more walks down by the lake to sneak off in the middle of the night for a screw or blowjob. No more hugs and kisses from the man he truly cared about even though he himself couldn’t accept this way of life but on the other hand, if he stopped, his father would leave him alone for awhile.
Cody exhaled and placed his hands at his sides. He rubbed his head before dropping the same one over his face.
This was a tough decision he’d have to live with.
“Well?” Dari rolled his neck and shifted the weight on his foot.
“Yeah.” He looked around when he heard a sound. Most likely it was his father looking for him. “I mean it, man. I’m thinkin’ this is for the best anyway ‘cause, I’m thinkin’ of joinin’ the army. Since no one loves my ass ‘round ere no damn way.”
His friend nodded, looking up into the night sky. “Yeah Cody, you’re damn right nobody loves and cares about you, especially now. I was the last one, man.” He backed away, wiping the tears from his face. “Have a nice life, Cody and consider this friendship, done.” He stomped his foot and ran in the other direction.
McCayne kicked a few rocks, cursing under his breath. “Goddamn you God! Why the hell did you have to make me this way, huh? Fuck!”
“Cody!”
The voice of his father rang in his ears.
“Shit.” He muttered under his breath. “I’m comin’, damnit!”
Cody turned around, heading towards the house. He made sure he walked slower to keep the distance between him and his dad. The argument they had last week was very heated. The last thing he wanted to do start it up again.
As he made his way there, he recalled the moment with Dari. Was he really saying goodbye to the one person he cared about? No question he had feelings for the man but he just couldn’t accept himself to be gay.
More like he didn’t want to since he’d been shunned by basically everyone in his hometown. This wasn’t what he wanted his life to be like. Cody, a young man who thrived for attention and not getting any made him feel worthless.
Although he wasn’t into army life itself, he thought joining might be the best option. There they’d teach him how to be a man, a real man that knew how to fight, one that understood loyalty and the power of respect. One that wouldn’t be in love with another man because real guys didn’t fall for other guys.
They loved women.
Cody wanted to shed his abnormal behavior and right now, the army seemed like the perfect place to do that.
* * * *
Dari ran as fast as he could in the other direction, not looking back on the scene he’d just left. How dare he? How could he say he wasn’t homosexual? Cody liked dick, he liked his dick sucked, he liked to fuck male ass so no question, he’s gay.
He stopped running and bent over, putting his hands on his knees. Dari Kirk panted from the journey he’d just ran, trying to catch his breath. He wiped his brow and held onto his chest. “Fucker!” He yelled at the top of his lungs.
The two of them had been friends, going to St. James High School together, hanging out and falling for one another along the way but obviously, Cody wasn’t ready for that.
Dari knew in his heart Cody loved him but was scared about coming out. He understood that. When the two got caught he decided he’d go on and tell everyone he knew about his sexual orientation. His family didn’t like it but they accepted it because he was grown and ready to move out.
Cody’s friend begged him to come on out at least as a bi man and figure out his sexuality along the way. He knew Cody liked men more but still had a thing for women and Dari was willing to deal but Cody just couldn’t stand to be called the name. His family told him he’d burn in hell, that he was screwed up, and needed to go to church more often.
No he didn’t, he only needed someone to tell him it was okay and acceptable.
Dari wanted to be that person.
Now, it looked as if he wouldn’t get that chance.
* * * *
Cody sat at the table out of sorts after having the run in with Dari. He just couldn’t bring himself to admit he was gay. The name calling, the stares, the shunning he just wasn’t prepared for and even though he did have deep feelings for Dari, he just couldn’t admit he was totally homosexual.
Why was I born like this? Why did God have to curse me?
Elias gave Cody a pitiful look and shook his head while putting a forkful of potatoes into his mouth. “You been out with that faggot boy again, weren’t you?”
“Elias!” Darla yelled from across the table. “You stop talkin’ like that while we’re eatin!’”
The father’s responded with a menacing glare. “Darla, it’s only us here, alright? I wanna know if this cocksucker was doin’ some shit behind our backs. Well, boy? Were you?”
Cody shrugged and didn’t look up. The anger built inside him. He bit his tongue. So badly, he wished he could punch his father for speaking like this in front of his mother. “Sir, I told Cody we were through. I told him I needed to get right and that we couldn’t see each other anymore.” The words stung coming out his mouth. Deep down, he had a horrible feeling for telling Dari to get lost but he knew of no other solution.
McCayne was tired of his father’s insults. He knew this knowledge would ensure temporary approval.
“Well, that’s the best news I’ve heard in a while.” He slapped Cody on the back of the head.
The son winced and rubbed it. Again, the fire burned in his gut.
Damn I wish I could slap the shit outta him.
“’Bout time you saw the error of your ways, boy. Being a gay ain’t natural. That shit’s for them Europeans er somethin’.”
Cody eyed his mother who rolled her eyes but clenched her teeth onto her utensil.
Everyone knew not to refute anything Elias said even if it was complete nonsense.
“Listen, you need to git yourself a girl, man. Even if it’s one of dem colored gals. At least it would be female. Ya’ hear?” Elias laughed to himself and continued to carve the meat on his plate with the knife.
Young McCayne shook his head again and ignored yet another senseless comment by his father. It was definitely time to make that trip into the recruiting office.
Not only would the army turn him straight, it would get him away from his ignorant dad.
Besides, he was used to waking up early and being yelled at. What would be the biggest difference between being in the armed forces as opposed to being back at home?
Nothing much.
At least in the army he could earn a little money to go to college and get some credibility.
What would be better than that?
Once he finished dinner, Cody retired to his room, away from his half drunk father.
Mom decided to go into her sanctuary to read the word of God as she always did when dad McCayne and or Cody upset her.
Cody turned on the computer, typing ‘army recruiter’ into the browser field. As the pictures loaded, he started looking up information about the nearest center to sign up.
The office was right downtown on Orchard Street which wasn’t too far away from his favorite hangout.
“Perfect,” he mused, thinking if the guys saw him doing something “manly” like signing up for the armed forces, they might talk with him again.
Cody really wanted to be accepted by his peers. One of the many reasons he thought signing up would be a great idea.
He’d gain their respect back as well as the acceptance of his father and people would stop staring at him as if he were a leper.
What did he really have to lose?
First thing tomorrow, I’m skipping chores to do something right. Gotta get this gay stuff outta my system.
* * * *
Dari sat on his bed in tears after hearing Cody’s cruel words.
Why did he have to be such an ass?
The young man was confused and distraught but despite everything his on and off again lover had told him, he just couldn’t hate him.
Still, he knew they’d never see each other romantically again and he had to accept that.
Who needed him if he wasn’t willing to come to grips with his sexuality?
He looked at the picture he’d drawn of Cody just two weeks ago when they were enjoying one of their many down low nights by the pond in the McCayne’s spacious backyard. The drawing was of his lover, sitting by the water and looking into the sky at the moon in all his naked glory.
Such a beautiful sketch and now there would never be any color added to it because Cody chose to go his own way.
Just as he started to crumple it, he had a sore feeling in his gut about destroying the picture. For some strange reason, something just told him to keep it as a memory in small hopes that Cody would come to his senses.
Would he ever see how much I care about him?
Dari had no idea but a small part of him tried to stay optimistic.
Maybe someone would convince him that being gay is okay. If not him, then someone that didn’t have the personal ties that Dari had.
Cody might have a change of heart if it came from a knowledgeable stranger.
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